If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say…

by Christine@TheAums on March 29, 2011 · 4 comments

Sorry for yesterday’s cliffhanger! I thought I was going in one direction with the Stream of Consciousness writing prompt and then took a sharp turn.

But back to my friend, B’s, wonderful news *drum roll* 

She’s pregnant! 

With her third!

Mmm hmm, she really is despite the use of birth control.

Yeah, it’s a total surprise that it’s not me making this announcement all around. 

I’m sure there’s a lot to process.  I know this was unexpected. But…

Awww, she has a baby growing inside her! A new life! I am so stoked for her! I am completely envious too. I LOVED being pregnant, and by now it’s no secret: I am going through withdrawals! Consider this: my 4 Aumies are each less than 2 years apart, and my “baby” is now 22 month old. This is the longest period of motherhood I’ve ever gone without being pregnant while simultaneously nursing or potty training a wee one! 

I couldn’t stop gushing about how happy I was for her growing family, and this is why I was one of the first people she told. She knew how I’d feel and she needed to hear a totally positive reaction. A reaction that would help her brace herself for the insensitive responses that were in store for her.

You see, announcing that you’re pregnant (again) is like an open-invitation for both loved ones and strangers to dole out comments and opinions without thinking. A pregnant mama can be downright fearful of people’s reactions to her news, whether it be work or the in-laws or her own partner! It is the most unnecessary stress on one-with-child, especially when it’s the second, third, or beyond… especially when you have them back to back!
The next time someone announces they’re pregnant (again) to you, just stick to the old adage, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything stupid at all.” A smile and a, “Congratulations” is much better than, “Are you serious? Don’t you already have two? I thought you were on birth control. Are you crazy?!” And it’s way better than a smack to your forehead!

And my advice for moms trying to figure out exactly how to tell their bosses, friends, or family that they’re pregnant (again), is to simply start out, “I have some good news!” Then you’ve set the tone and helped them know that you are happy and would welcome their happiness for you. 

Trust me. I’ve been there. And if I announce I’m pregnant for the fifth time, you’ve been warned.
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

sharon March 29, 2011 at 11:51 am


People say the dumbest things at times….. especially surrounding pregnancy announcements and comments about the # of kids you have. And don't even get me started on adoption announcements….I've heard plenty of "gems"- from family, from friends, but mostly from strangers (and it's none of their business!)

But what your post really makes me think about… is how do you know when you are done? When your family is complete? I'm starting to think that we might be done….. like you, we had all of our kids very close together. In Sept, my youngest heads off to kindergarten, and I am being asked all of the time now "Are you going to go and get one more?" (How obnoxious is that? Like babies are just waiting in trees to be picked while I'm there on vacation or something…)


The Aums Mama March 29, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Ha! Sharon, you totally guessed the big news yesterday! Believe me, I thought about you a lot when writing this because I could only imagine the dumb comments you've had to endure. I was also thinking of you because you have 6 wonderfully close children and that doesn't help me in the "yup, I'm all done" department!


Rach (DonutsMama) May 11, 2011 at 10:14 pm

When I was pregnant, our neighbor actually said to me that having kids was the worst thing ever and why would anyone want to do that. Can you believe that??? I came home so upset and my husband is still ticked.


The Aums Mama May 11, 2011 at 11:56 pm

Sadly, Rach, I can believe it, which sucks! I never really could think of any comebacks in the moment. Not til later at home would I come up with things I wish I had said. At least it was a neighbor and not your own relative…yeah, that's even worse, let me tell ya!


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