Author’s Note Just a note from little old me: I’ve been holding onto this post for days and days. For some reason I could not bring myself to press the publish button, until now…
We are in a particularly challenging phase with
1 2 3 4 out of 4 of our Aumies. I’m talking behavior and discipline, people! Remember, it’s my life! Maybe it’s the transition between ages, maybe it’s the shadow of an older sibling, maybe it’s an attention thing, maybe it’s who gives a crap?! I’m tired of psychoanalyzing everyone’s behavior, and I’ve had my fill of brainstorming ways to deal. When I reach my end on a nearly daily basis now, I yell. Loudly. It sucks. I regret. I reflect. I sleep. I try again. I wonder. Whose children are these? Because I certainly did not act that way growing up. Really, I didn’t! And my parents didn’t act the way I’m acting now.
How did my dad convey so much to me with just a look?! Nowadays, I’d probably call my kid in, and give it to him/her in the form of
yelling a kind but firm lecture. I’d probably go on and on about respecting others, using your words, and blah blah blah. But my dad did it all with a look. I want that look. I need that look. I would pay good money for that look!
**UPDATE: I’ve been more frustrated with myself than with my kids. I said I was sick of brainstorming, which in the moment was the exasperated truth, but the real truth is I never stop brainstorming how I can be a better parent. It’s what keeps me hopeful. So what did I come up with?
Well, for one, more quiet hugs. Many times I am so turned off by the sound of loud crying/whining that I will raise my voice above it to try to make it stop. It’s challenging at first, but remaining silent while sitting near/hugging/patting my upset child has helped heal our big feelings quicker, with much less frustration and a lot more cuddles.
And for two, planning one on one outings with each of our Aumies. I am learning that making this focused time a priority really benefits the entire family.
Sure, I’d much rather write something titled Guess what? I’ve Stopped Yelling And My Kids Are Behaving Like Angels! But my husband said something that only adds to my crazy mix of thoughts and emotion, “Sometimes, in the moment, loud is the only thing that will get through. And sometimes you have to be quiet in order to be heard.” (Okaaay, Mr.YinYangPracticeWhatYouPreach)
I swear, each day feels like this test, but the books did not prepare me for the real-life scenarios! Some days I fail and need to do extra credit. Some days I barely pass. But you know, there are definitely days that I ace with flying colors which gives me hope that it all averages out to the best parenting I can do.
|The Look: FAIL!|