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Stream of Consciousness Tuesday Morning- Insomnia Edition

by Christine@TheAums on September 13, 2011 · 6 comments

Nothing is predictable. Nothing is in my control. Why do I even try?

The past two days came pretty close to me being in control. I don’t mean controlling. No, I mean that I planned and carried out those plans for the good of my family and myself.

I asked in a post the other day whether one could blog successfully AND sleep. In answer to my own question…no. For me, no sleep is what makes me weak. I have turned a new leaf. I’ve seen how much 8 hours of sleep makes a difference in how I look and feel physically which translates into a happier mood and more patience to take on the day and be what I consider a good mom, wife, tutor, and writer. Yes, I could blog successfully with little sleep but the rest of my life would fall apart at the seams, which in the end, would not contribute positively to my writing.

It’s one thing when I choose to deprive myself of sleep, and now that I’m out of the baby stage, that’s what it usually comes down to – my choice. It’s another thing when unforeseen and unwelcome events occur and I lose sleep. Tonight, I made it so that I was in bed by 10. The plan was to wake up around 5:30, be on a run by 6. Get in an hour of writing from 7-8. Be home in time to make breakfast for the kids…biscuits, yogurt, and fruit. Without giving you the long story…it’s 3 am and I’m up writing this because I can’t sleep.

So I went outside and enjoyed a cool breezy moment, soaked up some moon rays. I made a piece of toast which is my comfort food of choice. I want to cry in frustration. I should be asleep. I’m trying to breath and chant aum. I’m trying to prepare mentally for the day ahead in which I’d like, no, I NEED to squeeze in making breakfast, homeschooling activities, exercise, a paid piece of writing, an unpaid piece of writing, making lunch, putting kids down for nap, some fun outdoor physical activity with the kids, making dinner, and cleaning and grocery shopping in prep for a guest the following day, in whatever order.

I just banged this out on the keyboard in a matter of minutes…this is writing in the raw and so very stream of consciousness…and you know, therapeutic. My breathing is calmer now. I’m not sure how I ever survived night after night of little sleep with my babies, but I did. This is one night. I will survive. And I’ll try again tomorrow. Well, more like today at this point.

Good morning.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Brandi September 13, 2011 at 6:12 am

Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. And then write it out. You did the exact right thing. I hope you got at least an hour after you banged this out!

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Christine@TheAums September 13, 2011 at 10:03 am

Yes, an hour is about all I got…feeling kinda hungover today and no fun memories to make it worthwhile. The writing helped A LOT! So did the full moon, the cool breeze, and the crickets chirping :)

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Sheila Pai September 13, 2011 at 6:55 am

Good morning hugs, mama. Aum…..
I think of you often, x 4 what I’ve got over there. You are an inspiration, even on your tough days.
I hope you can find a way to squeeze in some You time, even if it’s a solid 60-sec meditative moment of breathing and presence. You deserve 60 sec. ; )
HUGS to all of you from all of us (including an active little peanut!)
sheila

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Christine@TheAums September 13, 2011 at 10:09 am

Thank you, Sheila. It’s weird, days like this used to be the norm…I am completely thrown off as if I’ve never experienced a rough night, ha! My one wish today is to go to a Bikram yoga class, something about the heat and stretching sounds really comforting to me right now. We’ll see. Big hugs back to you and the familia!

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Jessica September 13, 2011 at 12:09 pm

I love this post! And, I can so relate! I also do most of my blogging/writing at night so in order to get the most done, I’ve been neglecting my sleep, which is essential given that I’m 36 weeks pregnant and with a toddler during the day. I wish I could afford/convince my husband on childcare, so I could write more during the day, but I’m not holding my breath on that miracle. So, in the meantime, I’ve just been sleeping during my daughter’s naps and sleeping earlier, waking up for two to three hours at night, and then going back to sleep. It’s not perfect, but it’s better than where I was.

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Christine@TheAums September 13, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Thanks for the company and empathy last night/this morning :) I’ve so been there- pregnant with a toddler- like 3 times in a row! I think it is why I did not start blogging until last year when my 4th and last was one year old. Big time kudos to you for finding a way to make it work, but when all else fails, just give in to sleep! It’s so healing when you can get it. Best wishes during this final stretch!

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