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Stop Undervaluing Yourself! Or is it Devaluing? Whatever…Just Stop!

by Christine@TheAums on December 2, 2011 · 26 comments

I was walking for the umpteenth time down the stairs to the laundry room.

You know what’s amazing? Not the fact that I was up at 11:49 p.m. doing laundry, but the amount of thoughts I can think in the fifteen seconds it takes to get downstairs.

Everything from a doctor’s appointment to tomorrow’s breakfast plan to how badly we need new pillows pops in my head. And in between those thoughts are plenty more that are riddled with guilt.

Not patient enough. Wish I hadn’t lost my temper. Didn’t exercise again. Should really call so and so. Not intimate enough. Worked too much. Didn’t work enough. Could’ve done more. Could’ve been better.

It was pretty loud inside my head. So loud that by the time I reached the bottom step, I’d had enough!

 STOP UNDERVALUING YOURSELF ALREADY!

I yelled…quietly to myself…cuz it was nearly midnight.

And then I continued the inner conversation:

“You know, if you had to, you could give someone a tour of your home life and point out: Do you know how these drawers got filled with clean clothes? Do you know where that home-cooked meal came from? Heck, even the Taqueria take-out had to be dreamed up by somebody! And who bought that gift for my mother-in-law? Who thought of the homeschool theme for the week? Who scheduled the play date the kids are looking forward to? Who is freaking doing the laundry at 11:49 at night?!!

And then, there was a calm, almost eerie, silence.

So, I sorted everyone’s socks and underwear.

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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

Teresa December 2, 2011 at 8:25 am

It constantly amazes me how other moms have the same thoughts and issues that I do and can coherently put it into a post.

You have worth! We have to remind each other sometimes.

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Christine@TheAums December 2, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Thank you, Teresa! It’s so true how important reminders are! And it really does help to know we’re not alone.

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Brandi December 2, 2011 at 9:12 am

Girl, you are speaking to my heart right now!! Let me take a second and think about what I’m doing right…..
Yup, I’m good. Thank you for the push!

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Christine@TheAums December 2, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Yup, you are totally good which is why I get so much inspiration from you!

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Sheila Pai December 2, 2011 at 10:02 am

Oh mama, thanks for sharing the reality inside.

First, I take credit (blame) for the pillow thought. I’m sure all my talk of pillows created a longing for an improved pillow situation. I know I’m always dreaming of a house full of pillows…..

Second, I think you are right on to focus on the things done (well) than the things not done (well). Anyone who strives to accomplish lofty goals will fall short. The more we bog our hearts and minds down with the negative the less room there is for inspiration and aspiration to thrive.

I think having that Happy Place Challenge was useful for me ( http://alivingfamily.com/tag/happy-place/) because I had to think through all the positive things. It made me think about the negative things in a positive way. Plus, I need to stay positive right now because I have a lot to accomplish before this baby comes. Focusing on the negative just dissolves my motivation. I think it’d be fascinating to hear what your Happy Places are… ;)

Much love,
sheila, and family

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Christine@TheAums December 2, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Sheila, I loved reading your happy place posts…kinda sad your November challenge is over. And yes, you can definitely take credit for my pillow thoughts :) I’ll just call my laundry room my Happy Place and make it a point to think good thoughts since I’m there numerous times every day!

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Jeanne December 2, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Oh man, so true. And I’ve been going through alot of that lately!

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Christine@TheAums December 2, 2011 at 2:22 pm

I know! The laundry’s never-ending! Or were you talking about the undervaluing? Either way, they both have to stop!

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Sharon December 2, 2011 at 6:49 pm

I feel as if I literally work every moment from when the alarm goes off at 5:15am until I finally collapse at night…. yet the main dialogue inside my head all day long- is what I still need to get done, or al of the things that I’ll never ever get to. When I fold laundry- I am actually checking the clock and thinking through the next 2-3 things that I will try to get done in the next hour, or before I need to pick up the kids, or whatever.
And I know… I KNOW…. how self-defeating all of this talk is in my head…. but I seem to be powerless to stop it, for good.
Kind of like I am powerless to skip junk food when I am overtired and overworked.
I think these things go hand in hand!
I need a 12-step program… and a spa to go to while I implement it! :)
Love love love this post-

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Christine@TheAums December 3, 2011 at 7:28 am

Ahhhh, some kind of multi-tasking mommy rehab that helps us shake the self-induced stress and guilt addiction. Brilliant Sharon…especially the spa part!

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ashlea December 2, 2011 at 10:05 pm

2 things are amazing about this post…
1. Moms. We kind of rock when I think about it… my 3 year old actually thinks I like folding laundry.
and
2. I have some of my best thoughts in/or on my way to the laundry room. weird stuff. But good thing we have lots of laundry to wash… because this was a good set of thoughts you had here. And it is even better that you shared them :-)

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Christine@TheAums December 3, 2011 at 7:31 am

That’s a great point of view and now that I think about, I’ve thought up many a post while doing laundry…might as well make my laptop down there!

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Nadine December 3, 2011 at 6:09 am

Perfect timing for me to read this post Christine. Last night after intense work week and icky bed time with my 4 year old, I was feeling big time down about not being able to hold it all together but not wanting to give anything up either. Its so helpful to read your post and others replies (exactly Sharon!). On another note…folded laundry?!? Wow–I’m in awe;-)

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Christine@TheAums December 3, 2011 at 7:45 am

Nadine, it took me a sec to figure out the ‘folded laundry’ part…certainly you weren’t referring to me! Because I’ll go as far as sorting (on a good day)…but folding?! I leave that to the pros like Sharon :) I’m glad this post was timely for you…really, hardly a day goes by where I’m not self-assessing, wondering what needs to give in my life to make it all work. Some days it’s work related, others it’s family, marriage, homeschooling, exercise, eating well, sleeping enough-related…I’m getting better at breathing, accepting, laughing, realizing how easily life moves on despite the things that I think are so important not getting done. Having a very “aum” moment right now…come on, chant with me! Aummmmmmmmmmmmm :)

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karyn mendoza December 3, 2011 at 11:10 am

I get discouraged from time to time doing the necessary things that are taken for granted…and have no end in sight. There will always be dirty dishes and always be dirty clothes. I used to have a “real job”- a favorite term of mine- where I’d work on something,ot would end and a new project would start. I had a sense of completion. Staying at home is slight twists on more of the same everyday which can make me feel guilty about never being ahead of a curve I truly can’t get ahead of. I am my own worst enemy, but it’s nice to know I’m not alone on this guilt trip.

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Christine@TheAums December 5, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Karyn, it’s time to be our own best cheerleaders, or at least cheer each other on. Here I’ll start: How the heck can you not feel accomplished when you have published two e-books?! You are my hero! There will always be dirty dishes, dirty clothes, and stories to write :)

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Runnermom-jen December 4, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Haha, yes, I know this voice in my head so well!! I really want to tell it to shut-up sometimes ;)

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Christine@TheAums December 5, 2011 at 3:25 pm

At least it’s just one voice, Jen, ha!

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Alex@LateEnough December 5, 2011 at 5:08 pm

It is amazing how many thoughts and ideas I can organize in a walk downstairs. Meanwhile, I usually forget WHY I went downstairs by the time I get to the bottom, but I’ve remembered to schedule the dentist, play date and call my Nana.

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Christine@TheAums December 5, 2011 at 9:23 pm

I wish I could forget why I went downstairs…in other words, wish I could forget the laundry!

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Stasha December 10, 2011 at 9:59 am

My head is about the same apart from the second part. But after reading this I MUST work on that part. Because you are absolutely right!

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Christine@TheAums December 11, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Stasha, if I lived on an island I think I would definitely be better at the second part :)

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Jessica December 12, 2011 at 4:39 pm

I need to tell myself this more often. It’s hard to not think about all the things we could have done better but instead we need to focus on what we did do and celebrate those small feats.

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Christine@TheAums December 12, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Yup, no matter how small…like matching up all the socks! Okay, that’s actually a BIG one in my household ;)

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jacqui December 12, 2011 at 4:46 pm

We do tend to expect an awful lot of ourselves, don’t we? More than we would ever expect from anyone else. It’s definitely about time to start giving ourselves a little more credit.

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Christine@TheAums December 12, 2011 at 5:28 pm

It’s true. I let people off the hook all the time and encourage them to take it easy, yet I’m so hard on myself. That moment at the bottom of my stairs was eye-opening.

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