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When The Physical and Spiritual Worlds Collide

by Christine@TheAums on January 17, 2012 · 18 comments

I needed real healing after my first birth. The kind of emotional healing that only came when my second birth went amazingly well. After that one, I believed I could do anything! Then, in the midst of my third birth, my confidence slowly crumbled into a mixture of confusion and doubt. But my fourth, ahhhh, my fourth and last was complete surrender and total bliss. I went out on a high note, one that gives me a tingling feeling every time I see a newborn or pregnant woman. I won’t tell you where it tingles, but it tingles alright.

As different as each of my birth experiences was, there was not a single one where I didn’t channel a higher power.

“We prayed, meditated, spoke with our son”

My firstborn had some difficulty coming out due to the cord wrapped twice around his neck. I endured a very prolonged, brag-worthy labor…nearly three days! Eventually, I was surrounded by a team of nurses, midwife, and doctor all telling me a c-section was inevitable. I wasn’t on their team. It literally took days, but I finally, finally stood up to everyone and asked for a few minutes for my husband and me to be alone. With our physical world spinning, we tuned everything out and focused completely on our baby. We were never so serious, so scared, and so determined. We prayed, meditated, spoke with our son…whatever you want to call it. We played IZ’s “Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World” so I could hear my favorite line, “I hear babies cry and I watch them grow…” I wanted to hear my baby cry so badly! Not quite twenty minutes later, the nurse checked me and I was dilated a few more centimeters! She looked at me and said, “Whatever you just did, keep doing it.” And we did.

“I had no drugs, no epidural”

I have a hard time explaining my second labor. All I can say is it was an out of body experience. As soon as a contraction started building up, I went into a trance-like state and visited a world so heavenly and peaceful, I often didn’t want to come back when the contraction had subsided. In fact, my midwife later told me she was growing concerned at how lifeless I would become. Indeed, I closed my eyes throughout most of labor. This I know because it was filmed. I had no drugs, no epidural. Just endorphins and a peaceful escape.

“This time, I prayed hard for an epidural”

I was so confident going into my third labor that I stopped at my favorite bakery on my way to the hospital, treated myself to a cupcake, and bought a fruit tart to share with the nurses. I had come a long way since my first birth, knew what I was capable of thanks to my second, and yet, when complications arose, there I was back to my scared and confused self. Turns out, my baby was in the posterior position. We tried to deal with the lower back pain and the ceased dilation; the doctor tried to turn her around. Everything just led to another threat of C-section. This time, I prayed hard for an epidural. It worked, I dilated quickly, and even though I couldn’t exactly “feel” those pushes, I thought each one of them through and my 9lb, 2oz. baby girl was born, sunny side up.

“I ignored early labor entirely”

I knew my fourth birth would be my last, so I did everything in my power to savor it. Well, first I ignored early labor entirely. I went about my life as if I wasn’t having contractions every 5 minutes. I cleaned my car, made food for the kids, put away clean laundry, took a shower, blow-dried my hair, I kid you not. There was a point where I thought about keeping the intensity and frequency of my contractions to myself in order to “accidentally” have a home birth, something I always wanted to try. Alas, I opted to stick with the familiar plan and checked in at the hospital…at a whopping 7cm dilated! Of course, I wasn’t home free yet, but I had this moment of feeling truly blessed, truly at one with women giving birth all over the world, truly thankful to feel every physical sensation it took to get my baby out and into my arms.

I believe a woman in labor has a foot in two worlds. We are like magnets, drawing together spiritual and physical energies to bring forth life. I gave birth with my body and soul.

Be sure to check out the rest of my Birth Story Reflections series:

Top 10 Reasons Why I Prefer To Give Birth In A Hospital

Talk About A Push Present!

Mom’s Survival Kit- Don’t Attend A Baby Shower Without One!

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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

Cookie's Mom January 17, 2012 at 5:52 am

Beautiful. Makes we want to go out ( or, rather, stay in) and get pregnant and again! Love the amalgamated picture of them all at the end. You are truly blessed.

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Christine@TheAums January 17, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Thank you, Sue…for your kind words and motivation to look up the word amalgamated:)

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Stephanie January 17, 2012 at 7:03 am

Love it. Wow, amazing. What a crazy awesome experience birth is!

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Christine@TheAums January 17, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Perhaps you will share your birth stories sometime? You know I want to hear them!

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Stephanie January 19, 2012 at 5:53 pm

I will, just still trying to wrap my head around them! haha

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Christine@TheAums January 19, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Hey it took me nearly 3 years to get this much out. Truth is, there’s tons more details. I just extracted some of the juicier ones for this week’s series ;)

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Dee January 17, 2012 at 8:29 am

ok that one made me tear up! :-)

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Christine@TheAums January 17, 2012 at 9:04 pm

((Hugs))

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Liz @ The Six Year Itch January 17, 2012 at 9:45 pm

This was beautiful, and look at all those babies! You did good, mama.

I never wrote a birth story. Mine would include a post-it, pizza fries (no shocker there) and a blizzard. An actual blizzard not a Blizzard. Oh, right and I pushed an 8 pounder through the ring of fire.

Yay, there’s my birth story. =)

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Christine@TheAums January 17, 2012 at 10:05 pm

I can’t believe I left fries out of my birth stories! Besides the spiritual stuff, I ate fries during my labors! So, we all know Johnny Cash sings Ring of Fire, but did you know his wife wrote it?

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Brandi January 18, 2012 at 11:51 am

This was really beautiful, Christine! I’ve never experienced labor, but these emotions…I’m right there with you!

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Christine@TheAums January 18, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Thank you, Brandi. Can you see why I love birth stories? They are all so unique. Would love to hear yours one day :)

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Stasha January 18, 2012 at 9:42 pm

I love reading about your births because even though I only gave birth once and had a great experience I never for a moment assumed I now know what giving birth is like. Because each one is different and one should embrace it.
Lovely post Christine.

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Christine@TheAums January 18, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Thank you, Stasha. I’m having a good time reflecting on the details this week.

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grandma January 24, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Oh mija…….my computer is the center of attention at work…..they all want to see all of your babies and then how they look now….I constantly have picture after picture taking a turn on my computer. Keep them coming………besos as Palauma would say…….mom

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Christine@TheAums January 24, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Ma, tell your co-workers to “like” me on Facebook…they’ll know what I’m talking about, lol!

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